who is the real me?

My aunt just passed away and I cannot believe I'm drowning in sorrows and self pity.

I am so inward looking. I'm so insecure.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?

I guess it's true. I hate myself, and I cannot forgive myself, I cannot accept myself for who I am, I don't like who I am, but I'm not changing myself.

I'm just so plain selfish.

Perhaps he is doing it right. Life is not just about me, isn't it. It's not about ourselves, but other stuff, other people, work, friends.

I'm undergoing so much mixed emotions in me that I don't think I can deal with it. Do I really have to go through this depression year after year?

What is happening to me now? I'm so fucked up. I'm so different from before. This is not progressing. This is going backward. I'm not growing up. Something is not right here. Do I need a change of lifestyle or environment?

I don't even like being around people. I can't be bothered pretending to socialise. I hate so many people's guts. I criticise. I get irritated.

This is not me. Who is the real me?